I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
