He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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