ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
