i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
