she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
