I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
