FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
