i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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