My cat gives me a boner
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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