I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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