My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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