Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
wow bdsm is so cute
A bitchslap is in order.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
