Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
