I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
