My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
