You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
