do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
