Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
