Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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