I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
