I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize