So drunk its hurt
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
