oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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