Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
