I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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