what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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