i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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