I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
