woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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