ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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