I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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