Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
