Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So. Much. Porn.
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