u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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