jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
