So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
