I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
