The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
