Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
