ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize