I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
