She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
