woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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