He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
