I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Shame is for Republicans.
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