your room smells of hookers.
And success
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
