So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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