He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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