Pregnant stripper...not hot.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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