Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
