apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
