And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
