yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize