wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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