Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
