I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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