There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
