I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize