You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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