My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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