i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
