im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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