I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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