She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
