Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Damn victory sex feels great
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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