I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
