Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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