She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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