so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
