They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
