omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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