Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
