I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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